How to Speak and Support Someone Suffering from Depression

Having a conversation with someone close to you about depression isn't easy. It's not a fun or simple topic to approach, its difficult to know what to say to comfort them, and its hard to figure out what to do afterwards. But what's the alternative... to ignore it and hope it gets better?

Why  Ignorance Isn't Bliss 
Depression and suicide in young males is a modern, sometimes labelled as silent, epidemic. By continuing to avoid the subject on both a personal and public level, we only allow the issue to control more peoples' lives and leave them without help. Depression is, at it's core, lonely and isolating. Having just one person to speak to can make a huge difference to someone's journey. But what can you, as a friend or family member or even acquaintance, say to someone who is suffering and how can you support them?

1. Ask
One of the most important things you can do is ask. It let's the person know you care and drives the conversation in the right direction, showing them it's a safe place to open up. If someone you know seems to have distanced themselves, doesn't seem as social, has changed eating habits, is irritable, or is expressing they can't sleep well, it might well be a sign they're suffering from depression.

"You don't seem yourself recently, is everything OK?"

An easy way to kick off the conversation is with something simple like "You don't seem yourself recently, is everything OK?" If it is, no harm no fowl. If it isn't, they might be incredibly relieved you've brought up the subject and are giving them the opportunity to talk.

2. Listen and Let Them Know You Care
It's important to listen to their feelings and not accidentally be dismissive. You might struggle to understand what the're going through or be at a loss for what to say. Don't worry, just listen. It can help more than you may realize.

"Let them know you're not in any rush and they can take their time"

If you're stuck on what to say, try your best to respond sincerely. There's no point telling them you understand if you don't, and it can be harmful to dismiss their emotions by saying things like "Can't you just try being happy?" Instead you should encourage them to open up more by asking questions (for example "How has this been affecting you", "Do you remember when you first started feeling this way", "How often do you feel like this?") Let them know you're not in any rush and they can take their time. You can also check out Beyond Blue, who have some great suggestions on how to approach this conversation.

3. Support
No matter how much you care for someone, you can't 'fix' or 'cure' their depression. It's an illness and can often be a long journey ahead for both you and them. What you can do is point them in the direction of someone who can help. Try encouraging them to speak with their GP, or to make the most of the services available to them. It's a good idea to attend the appointment with them (if they want you to) to show your support.

You can also offer to help them out with things they might be struggling with (such as cleaning, childcare, shopping etc.) and just generally arrange to spend time together doing things they enjoy. This might just be something as simple as going for a walk, getting food, or watching a movie together. Keep the line of communication open. Depression doesn't have a quick solution, but your friendship can make a difference.

The Lions Barber Collectivee has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects and to get involved visit our website  and like us on Facebook.

Kimberley Parker

Common Signs of Depression

Recent studies suggest a lot more people than we imagine are suffering from a mental health affliction. These figures can be a shock but they indicate the brevity and seriousness of this issue (1 in 4 of us will suffer from a mental health problem in our lives), no more so than with depression.

Depression can be a difficult illness to recognize even in the ones close to us, and that's a hard pill to swallow. As there is such a stigma associated with it (especially so with males) the person suffering may well be trying to hide their struggle. If someone you know seems to be acting out of character or exhibits any of the behavior below,  it is so important to start a dialogue - you could make a huge difference to their life if you do so. 

"Depression can be a difficult illness to recognize even in the ones close to us, and that's a hard pill to swallow"

Everyone's experiences and symptoms are different, but there are some common signs to keep and eye out for: 

1. Lack of Interest in Social Interaction 

If a friend or family member seems to be less interested in spending time socially, it may be an indication they are suffering from depression. This change in character can be easily overlooked, but individuals will often withdraw from their social circles - as addressed in this campaign by Time to Change. 

2. Eating Habits 

This can go either way, with some people having a lack of appetite and others eating a great deal more than they used to. This might mean their weight fluctuates.

3.  Sleeping Problems 

Sleep is integral to a healthy mind and body, and an increase or decrease can signify larger problems. Sleep disorders are often linked to depression, with sufferers likely to experience insomnia or are unable to sleep through the night. This in turn means people have an increase in fatigue.

4. Negative Thoughts 

It is common for people with depression to express negative thoughts and seem pessimistic. Everyone has days when they feel hopeless, but if this behavior is consistent over a long period of time it could indicate an underlying mental issue. 

"Sleep is integral to a healthy mind and body, and an increase or decrease can signify larger problems"

5. Anhedonia

This is a term that describes the loss of pleasure. Activities they previously enjoyed don't give them the same amount of joy, and they may seem distant or uninterested. This goes for professional as well as social (and even sexual) situations.    

6. Anger and Mood Swings 

It can be hard for people with depression to control their emotions, so they may be susceptible to mood swings or be irritable. You should not take this personally as this is a sign of their illness.

"....may be susceptible to mood swings or be irritable" 

7. Interactions with Drugs and Alcohol 

Some sufferers use drugs or alcohol as a way to cope with their depression. They may become reliant on substances, or increase their intake (such as smoking more). 

8. Self-Harm and Preoccupation with Death 

Self-harm is another coping mechanism people may use as a way to deal with their emotions. Additionally, they may bring up the topic of death or not "being around" in conversation.

As mentioned above not everyone experiences depression in the same way, but if you have any indication someone close to you is suffering, it's crucial to start a conversation and assist them in getting the help they need. Check out our post on 5 People You Can Talk to About Depression for some suggestions on how to move forward.    

The Lions Barber Collectivee has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects and to get involved visit our website  and like us on Facebook.

Kimberley Parker 

  

Music and Mental Health

How your Playlist can Help your Mind

Music is deeply ingrained  into humanity and has been for as long as anyone can remember. We use it to tell stories, express emotions, celebrate occasions, and create bonds. You can find it in every culture across the globe and it has the ability to span generations. Countless psychologists have tried to understand the relationship between the human psyche and music: why we create it, why it makes us feel so intensely, the difference in how we perceive it, and much more.

One area in this field with a long history is music therapy. This is when music is used to treat a variety of both physical and psychological disorders including strokes, heart disease, anxiety, insomnia, and substance dependency. This type of therapy is often geared towards the individual, and involves a great deal of improvisation and creation (including songwriting).

"We use it to tell stories, express emotions, celebrate occasions, and create bonds"

But what if you don't have the opportunity to visit a music therapist? Can music still help you with your issues? The answer is yes, and here's how...

1) It Makes you Feel Good On a Chemical Level
Many psychologists believe our mood is dictated by the chemicals in our brain. This means we might feel down and not be sure why or what we can do to make ourselves feel better. Studies have found music has the ability to release dopamine, the chemical that puts us in a good mood. Researchers discovered that dopamine levels rose 9% on average, proving that music has can have a direct impact on our mood.

2) It's Cathartic 
Isn't it strange that when we're sad we want to listen to sad music? Well actually not as strange as you might think. The famous Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote a great deal about the notion of catharsis, which in simple terms means to purge yourself of emotions through art, resulting in a feeling of  peace and restoration. In Aristotle's day this would've meant watching a tragedy at the theatre; for our generation it means blaring the latest Coldplay or Adele album. 

Music can help us process and understand our emotions, giving us the release we need and helping to avoid bottling up our feelings. So next time you have a bad day, get that sad song playlist on and grab the tissues.

"(Catharsis) in simple terms means to purge yourself of emotions through art, resulting in a feeling of  peace"

3) It Aids Relaxation
Another way in which music can help us is to aid in relaxation, and we're not just talking about new age pan pipe albums. Many people find playing and listening to music a relaxing experience - think about getting a professional massage or meditation, both usually have musical elements to assist in creating a calm atmosphere. Listening to a relaxing album before bed can ease sleep and quiet our thoughts, so think about building a pre-slumber playlist if your brain has a habit of overthinking before bed.

The best slumber involves a singing sheep...apparently 

4) It Can Make you Feel Less Isolated 
The process of listening to music makes us feel less isolated because we can empathise with the lyricist or the emotion behind the song. Songs are like modern poetry, they tend to be more outwardly emotive and people feel more comfortable expressing themselves through this medium. Not only that, music can open social circles (going to gigs, speaking to others on social media who have similar interests) and show us hundreds if not thousands of others feel just like we do. 

4) Helps to Stimulate Creativity 
Writing is generally encouraged as an activity to help with many types of mental illness, and songwriting is just as effective. Many people are more at ease expressing their thoughts on paper than in person, and writing songs is a great outlet. Having this creative channel can be a huge blessing, even if you're never intending on performing it for anyone other than your cat.

Warning - may cause negative reaction from feline

5) It Motivates 
Finally music can be a great motivator - think about how many people have dedicated workout playlists. Kicking of your morning with a positive song can change your energy immediately, so compile a positive playlist to invigorate and motivate your day right from the start.

Kimberley Parker

The Lions Barber Collective has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness and to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects and to get involved visit our website and like us on Facebook

Why Coronations Street's Most Recent Suicide Storyline is Important

Soaps are a British national treasure, there's no denying it. Whether your fond of this type melodrama or not, this genre of television is known for having the capability to tackle difficult subjects and force them into the public eye. This is is exactly what popular, long-running soap Coronation Street has recently managed to do with both deft and understanding, dedicating a storyline to one of the most prominent issues facing young British males today; suicide.

"it's undeniable the impact and ability (soaps) have to encourage conversation"

Whether you're an EastEnders superfan who religiously spends every Sunday watching the omnibus or you've only caught a few episodes of Emmerdale before dinner, soaps are as much a part of our culture as fish and chips or football. They occupy an interesting medium in that they dramatise events that could (in theory) happen to the average person. These are of course extreme versions of reality and characters, but it's undeniable the impact and ability they have to encourage conversation. So why is it important that writers chose to have Aiden, a relatively successful, young, handsome and popular character suffer from depression and eventually end his own life?

Aiden Connor played by Shane Ward 

A Realistic and Thoughtful Narrative 
Soaps are not  universally know for their tact. In fact it's their over-dramatization of situations that usually define their success (think the infamous 'duff-duffs' of EastEnders). Aiden's narrative was handled in a very different manner. The show has spent the last few months airing several scenes which in of their own seemed inconsequential; a little odd perhaps but nothing compared to the sensationalized storylines they were sandwiched between. As an audience we questioned why he was increasingly distant in social situations, why his moving boxes remained untouched, and why he was indifferent to re-gaining ownership of his much-loved factory. These moments were left to hang, unanswered.

"It's not an immediately obvious illness, (either to ourselves or those around us), it's not simple to diagnose, and it's not something you can easily talk to your loved ones about"

This thoughtful presentation echoes the reality of living with depression. Its not an immediately obvious illness (either to ourselves or those around us), it's not simple to diagnose, and it's not something you can easily talk to your loved ones about. But there are warning signs. By having Aiden's journey only hinted at until the final episode, it gave the audience pause to think that just because someone seems okay, the reality might be quite different. 

Reaction of Community
Another facet the writers chose to focus on was the reactions of the community, friends, and loved ones. These ranged from despair and disbelief to confusion and anger. Aiden's father and sister simply cannot believe he has committed suicide, desperately trying to find a reason and claiming it must have been an accident...one character even goes so far as to call his actions selfish.The array of characters and their responses helped not only to portray the difficulties those left behind face, but also the stigma and misunderstanding still associated with mental health problems.

Aiden's father Johnny, played by Richard Hawley 

Starting a Conversation and Listening to Each Other
In a recent BBC interview with Coronation Street Writer Jonathan Harvey, he states he saw the storyline as way to send a message about seeking help. It might well be that someone you know has been acting odd and doesn't quite seem themselves - seeing Aiden's story, you could be encouraged to start a conversation. Not only that, stigma is a big part of why people choose not to seek help when it comes to metal illness. A popular TV show watched by millions of viewers all across the country bringing light to this issue promotes understanding and helps to open a much-needed dialogue,both in the media and in our own homes.

One of the most poignant moments in the episode was Helen Worth's monologue in which she observes that you never really know what's going on in someone's life, and if Aiden had wanted to talk she hoped she would've listened. It's something we all hope for, but sometimes life can get in the way. Hopefully Aiden's story can help us all to be a little more conscious of those around us, and be open to them if they need someone to listen.

Kimberley Parker

The Lions Barber Collective has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness and to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects and to get involved visit our website and like us on Facebook

Why It's Ok to be Sad at Christmas

Christmas is meant to be a time of joy and happiness – that’s what we’re taught from a young age anyway. It’s what we’re shown in films, in songs, and on the television. Yet many recent studies have shown that it’s actually quite common to feel down during the holidays. If you’re dreading the festive season then don’t worry – you’re far from alone. 

Why Do People Feel Down at Christmas?

So why is this period a tough time for a lot of us? For some it can be the pressure of feeling we ‘ought’ to be happy. We see everyone else having a fabulously festive time with their loved ones and feel inadequate in comparison. This is further magnified by the increase in importance of social media.  The types of films and television shown throughout this season similarly project an idealized, cookie-cutter version of how our Christmas should be spent, giving us a pretty unachievable standard of festive cheer.

Another factor is it makes us remember all our loved ones who can’t be with us. It brings to the forefront of our minds how much we miss these people, and the experience can feel empty without them. In day-to-day life it can be easy to get on with it and ignore your grief. When it comes to Christmas, it’s harder to ignore the gap they’ve left in your life.

There’s also the added pressure of money. Consumerism is now unfortunately as much a part of Christmas as carols and Santa, and the extra financial burden can weigh heavily. You want to give your family the best day ever, but the monetary strain it can cause results in added stress which can lead to anxiety and depression.

Finally, feelings of isolation are another reason people get sad during this season. Christmas is traditionally seen as a day you spend with your loved ones, and being by yourself (especially on the 25th) can magnify a person’s feelings of loneliness.

You’re Not Alone….

So what can we learn from all this? Well firstly it’s completely normal and ok to feel sad at Christmas. In fact you’re probably not as alone as you might think – a recent study found that over 80% of people characterize Christmas as a difficult time of year. You should also remember portrayals of life on social media are rarely accurate (see our post on how social media can affect your mental health for more advice). Finally don’t try and force yourself to bury your feelings just because it’s Christmas – it’s important to talk through any issues you’re having. Ignoring them is unlikely to make them go away. See our posts on how to start a conversation about mental health and 5 people you can talk to about depression for further advice.

Kimberley Parker 

Man Up and Talk – Masculinity and Mental Health

Man up. It’s a common expression – you’ve probably said it yourself a few times. A quick Google of its definition states it means to be “brave or tough enough to deal with an unpleasant situation”. It’s only one phrase, but it illustrates a very real problem affecting our society. The leading cause of death for men under 50 is suicide…that’s a very real and worrying fact, and the notion that men should sweep their feelings under the carpet to maintain their masculinity is arguably a major contributing factor to this chilling statistic. 

How it Hurts

Ideas of masculinity have changed over time, but at its core it still retains certain characteristics that are seen as desirable. Men should be independent, strong, aggressive, competitive, tough, confident, and non-emotional. These aforementioned traits are lifted straight from the infamous Mike Cernovich’s website – his book ‘Gorilla Mindset’ alleges to teach men how to control their ‘thoughts and emotions’. Cernovich’s opinions may be on the more extreme side, but they're unfortunately an exaggerated reflection of masculinity often supported in our own society. 

What is Social Construction and Why Does it Matter?

Now we know what the common traits of masculinity are, it’s important we understand the sociology of gender. This sounds complicated, but it basically means that our ideas of how males (and females) should act are completely based on what our society has told us is normal. Men don’t automatically act ‘tough’, they’re taught to.

From a young age we’re socialized to act in gender-appropriate ways. This is done by encouraging us to play with the ‘correct’ toys and complimenting us for having the ‘right’ traits. This continues throughout our life – even through common sayings like ‘man up’. We’re expected to act in a certain way thanks to long-established cultural norms. Everyone believes these are inherent, when actually they're learnt. 

So what does this have to do with males and mental health? Well the traits associated with masculinity can be incredibly toxic when it comes to dealing with feelings of depression and other mental illnesses. Men are not unfeeling robots. They feel everything as acutely as women – they’re just taught not to express it. They’re told to be self-reliant and are expected to sort out their problems independently. This means they’re less likely to reach out for help. Combine this with some of the stigmas surrounding mental health (it being a sign of weakness for example) and you’re left with a dangerous mix that leaves men to suffer alone, in silence.

What Can be Done?

Social constructions don’t change overnight, but what you can do is help to challenge them. Don’t avoid talking about your feelings and struggles you’re facing, and encourage others to do the same. Stop putting yourself into a box. Sexism is wrong in all its forms, and only by talking about it can we change it.

The Lions Barber Collective has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness and to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects visit our website and like us on Facebook. 

By Kimberley Parker 

Mental Health – Still a Taboo Subject

Picture 4 people you know. Would it surprise you to find out on average that at least one of them will suffer from mental health issues during their life? They may even be experiencing problems right now. Mental health isn’t like most typical medical conditions; you can’t see it and sometimes it’s difficult to diagnose and treat. But with 25% of people dealing with it on a daily basis, why is such an affliction still treated as a taboo subject?

Mental Health in the Past

In the past attitudes towards mental health were even more fraught with bias and stigma than now. Mental illness is nothing new or unique to our generation, or our parents before us. These conditions are a much a part of the human reality as any other biological ailment. Across the globe, mental illness was something to be feared and people who needed assistance were often imprisoned, ignored and even punished. From witch-hunts to cruel treatments and institutions, there was little to no understanding or support available.

"people are more comfortable admitting an alcohol addiction (...) than revealing they're suffering from a mental illness" 

Thankfully attitudes have moved in a more positive direction, but recent figures reveal people are more comfortable admitting an alcohol addiction or bankruptcy than revealing they’ re suffering from a mental illness. So what makes people feel so embarrassed about something they have no control over, and is so common in past and present society?

Social Perception

A big part of the taboo nature of mental illness is social perception. Society has long stereotyped sufferers of mental illness in a negative way; perceiving them as everything from weak to violent. They are thought to be unable to be successful, to hold down a steady job or relationship, are to blame for their illness, and will never recover to fit with the norm. In reality these things are broad generalizations, but the damage of such discrimination can cause those suffering to not want to admit it so as to avoid being labeled. Unfortunately this can further compound the problem, as this means sufferers are not receiving any treatment and have no outlet.

The Dangers of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

One of the main issues people with mental illness face is the negative cycle caused by stigma. The nature of stereotyping is that people perceive themselves in the same light as society does. In other words because you’re told you act a certain way then you become to accept it and behave in that way. For example you’re told as a person with a mental illness that it’s unlikely you’re able to have a healthy relationship, so you stop seeking one. You’re labeled and put into the box of ‘depression’ or ‘anxiety’ and it can become difficult for others (and yourself) to break out of that.

How to Tackle the Taboo

In the last decade there have been many steps taken to try and curb the taboo and stigma associated with mental health, but more needs to be done. Many campaigns (like The Lions Barber Collective) are focused on getting people to talk about mental health and normalize conversations of this nature. Building up awareness and understanding are two key factors in this struggle towards a more accepting society; the eventual aim is for people not to be ashamed, and to feel comfortable seeking help. The more we read, share and discuss, the more we can stop stigma in its tracks.

By Kimberley Parker 

“We whisper about mental health issues and avoid asking too many questions. The brain is a body part, too. We just know less about it. And there should be no shame in discussing or seeking help for treatable illnesses that affect too many people that we love.” – Barack Obama 

How Social Media Can Affect Your Mental Health

Thousands of friends, hundreds of likes and comments… we’re living in an age of constant connection, endless friends and ceaseless praise. Yet these technological advancements can sometimes cause us to feel more isolated than ever. Recent studies have shown that social media can have a negative effect on our mental health, without us even realizing. It can be the cause of depression, anxiety and has even been linked to suicide. But how?

1) Cyberbullying

Bullying happens everywhere and unfortunately the internet is no exception. There is even a specific term coined for a certain type of cyberbullying (trolling) which is the act of deliberating upsetting someone, usually a stranger. The internet gives people anonymity and confidence, meaning they say things they probably don’t have the confidence to say in the real world – whether you know them or not. Have a private profile and block any users who bring negativity into your life. 

    

2) Constant Comparisons    

Every day you’re bombarded with images and statuses which seem to suggest all of your connections on social media are living incredible lives. Beautiful meals, champagne cocktails, perfect relationships and successful jobs…you can’t help but compare when you’re sat in bed watching crap television on a Saturday night. If you’re having a down day then it can be made a lot harder looking at the perceived success of others. A recent study showed that 51% of people admitted social media affected their confidence due to unnecessary comparison, so you’re not alone in feeling this way.

"If you’re having a down day then it can be made a lot harder looking at the perceived success of others"

A good way to counteract this is to realize that everyone’s profiles are fabricated to a point. No one has a perfect life – everything on social media has been carefully selected to show the positive and not the negative. In other words you’re comparing yourself to an idealized life, not a real one.

3) Lack of ‘Real’ Socializing

Social Media is great at providing ways of keeping in contact, but sometimes it can completely swallow the social part of our life.  It seems like you have a ton of friends who you’re close to, but you rarely see them in real life. This can lead to individuals isolating themselves as they feel they don’t need to have a social group in ‘real life’ as they get all they need from their connections on social media.

"There's something to be said for socializing in the real world too..."

Of course there are benefits to having friends online, but there’s something to be said for socializing in the real world too. Having someone physically there to talk to and do things with can ease feelings of loneliness and isolation – something everyone benefits from.  So don’t lock yourself away and use your chat apps to arrange a proper get together.

4) Addiction

 It may sound far-fetched but addiction to social media is a real thing. It helps relieve boredom, but it can start to take up more and more of your time. Think of all the times you’ve sat in a restaurant with friends, writing on your Facebook about how you’re sat in a restaurant with friends – very meta I know. The point is you’re not living in the present because you’re too busy letting everyone else know what a great time you’re having. Try to refrain from having your phone stuck to your hand at all times and appreciate the moment. 

Using Social Media in a Positive Way

Social media has so many awesome applications; it all depends on how you use it. Try to keep the following in mind:

•  Don’t allow yourself to get upset by comments, especially from strangers

•  Try not to compare yourself to others

• Use your apps as a tool to keep in contact with friends and family – but not the only way
• If you need support for specific issues or are new to an area, finding social groups online can be a great help.  

                                                     

Social media can also be used as a way to promote awareness and understanding of issues, helping people relate to one another. At The Lions Barber Collective we aim to encourage open conversations about mental health, promoting a dialogue and helping to move away from negative stigma. Check out our website for more details on projects we’re involved in.

By Kimberley Parker 

How to Start a Conversation about Mental Health

Opening up about mental health issues is a courageous but difficult thing to do. You might feel guilty, or not know how to initiate the conversation. You could be worried about the reaction. These are all natural emotions to go through, as it's a big step to take.

"You might feel guilty, or not know 

how to initiate the conversation"

Have a look at some of our advice when it comes to starting this conversation:

1) Preparation 

This conversation is probably going to get emotional; not just for you but for the recipient as well. Be prepared for the fact that both parties will go through a range of feelings. The relief of admitting to someone you have a mental health problem is extremely cathartic. You might laugh, you might cry – this is completely normal. Just be mindful you're bound to go through a roller coaster of emotions. 

2) Write 

Before having this conversation, writing down your feelings can help clarify in your own mind what you want to say. You can use this as a prompt whilst you are talking, or as a way to practice expressing your emotions – even if it's just for yourself.

"use this as a prompt (...) or as a way to practice expressing your emotions" 

Telling someone about what you're going through can be stressful. If you think having something written down will help you, then do it.

3) Choose the Right Time

There may never seem like a ‘right time’ to have this conversation, but there are better times than others. Right before your partner or parents leave for work, for example, is not ideal. You want to be able to take the time to explain your problems fully and for them to be open and undistracted.

4) The Next Step

Having this initial conversation is daunting, but these first steps can help change your life. If you've spoken with friends or family, you might now want to find a professional. If you've spoken to your GP, ask to be referred to a specialist. At The Lions Barber Collective, we've made it our mission to help listen and direct those in need of assistance – see our website and Facebook for more details. 

Remember this is a process and it's going to take time. By having that first conversation, you're putting yourself on the right path.

By Kimberley Parker