Why It's Ok to be Sad at Christmas

Christmas is meant to be a time of joy and happiness – that’s what we’re taught from a young age anyway. It’s what we’re shown in films, in songs, and on the television. Yet many recent studies have shown that it’s actually quite common to feel down during the holidays. If you’re dreading the festive season then don’t worry – you’re far from alone. 

Why Do People Feel Down at Christmas?

So why is this period a tough time for a lot of us? For some it can be the pressure of feeling we ‘ought’ to be happy. We see everyone else having a fabulously festive time with their loved ones and feel inadequate in comparison. This is further magnified by the increase in importance of social media.  The types of films and television shown throughout this season similarly project an idealized, cookie-cutter version of how our Christmas should be spent, giving us a pretty unachievable standard of festive cheer.

Another factor is it makes us remember all our loved ones who can’t be with us. It brings to the forefront of our minds how much we miss these people, and the experience can feel empty without them. In day-to-day life it can be easy to get on with it and ignore your grief. When it comes to Christmas, it’s harder to ignore the gap they’ve left in your life.

There’s also the added pressure of money. Consumerism is now unfortunately as much a part of Christmas as carols and Santa, and the extra financial burden can weigh heavily. You want to give your family the best day ever, but the monetary strain it can cause results in added stress which can lead to anxiety and depression.

Finally, feelings of isolation are another reason people get sad during this season. Christmas is traditionally seen as a day you spend with your loved ones, and being by yourself (especially on the 25th) can magnify a person’s feelings of loneliness.

You’re Not Alone….

So what can we learn from all this? Well firstly it’s completely normal and ok to feel sad at Christmas. In fact you’re probably not as alone as you might think – a recent study found that over 80% of people characterize Christmas as a difficult time of year. You should also remember portrayals of life on social media are rarely accurate (see our post on how social media can affect your mental health for more advice). Finally don’t try and force yourself to bury your feelings just because it’s Christmas – it’s important to talk through any issues you’re having. Ignoring them is unlikely to make them go away. See our posts on how to start a conversation about mental health and 5 people you can talk to about depression for further advice.

Kimberley Parker 

Man Up and Talk – Masculinity and Mental Health

Man up. It’s a common expression – you’ve probably said it yourself a few times. A quick Google of its definition states it means to be “brave or tough enough to deal with an unpleasant situation”. It’s only one phrase, but it illustrates a very real problem affecting our society. The leading cause of death for men under 50 is suicide…that’s a very real and worrying fact, and the notion that men should sweep their feelings under the carpet to maintain their masculinity is arguably a major contributing factor to this chilling statistic. 

How it Hurts

Ideas of masculinity have changed over time, but at its core it still retains certain characteristics that are seen as desirable. Men should be independent, strong, aggressive, competitive, tough, confident, and non-emotional. These aforementioned traits are lifted straight from the infamous Mike Cernovich’s website – his book ‘Gorilla Mindset’ alleges to teach men how to control their ‘thoughts and emotions’. Cernovich’s opinions may be on the more extreme side, but they're unfortunately an exaggerated reflection of masculinity often supported in our own society. 

What is Social Construction and Why Does it Matter?

Now we know what the common traits of masculinity are, it’s important we understand the sociology of gender. This sounds complicated, but it basically means that our ideas of how males (and females) should act are completely based on what our society has told us is normal. Men don’t automatically act ‘tough’, they’re taught to.

From a young age we’re socialized to act in gender-appropriate ways. This is done by encouraging us to play with the ‘correct’ toys and complimenting us for having the ‘right’ traits. This continues throughout our life – even through common sayings like ‘man up’. We’re expected to act in a certain way thanks to long-established cultural norms. Everyone believes these are inherent, when actually they're learnt. 

So what does this have to do with males and mental health? Well the traits associated with masculinity can be incredibly toxic when it comes to dealing with feelings of depression and other mental illnesses. Men are not unfeeling robots. They feel everything as acutely as women – they’re just taught not to express it. They’re told to be self-reliant and are expected to sort out their problems independently. This means they’re less likely to reach out for help. Combine this with some of the stigmas surrounding mental health (it being a sign of weakness for example) and you’re left with a dangerous mix that leaves men to suffer alone, in silence.

What Can be Done?

Social constructions don’t change overnight, but what you can do is help to challenge them. Don’t avoid talking about your feelings and struggles you’re facing, and encourage others to do the same. Stop putting yourself into a box. Sexism is wrong in all its forms, and only by talking about it can we change it.

The Lions Barber Collective has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness and to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects visit our website and like us on Facebook. 

By Kimberley Parker 

Mental Health – Still a Taboo Subject

Picture 4 people you know. Would it surprise you to find out on average that at least one of them will suffer from mental health issues during their life? They may even be experiencing problems right now. Mental health isn’t like most typical medical conditions; you can’t see it and sometimes it’s difficult to diagnose and treat. But with 25% of people dealing with it on a daily basis, why is such an affliction still treated as a taboo subject?

Mental Health in the Past

In the past attitudes towards mental health were even more fraught with bias and stigma than now. Mental illness is nothing new or unique to our generation, or our parents before us. These conditions are a much a part of the human reality as any other biological ailment. Across the globe, mental illness was something to be feared and people who needed assistance were often imprisoned, ignored and even punished. From witch-hunts to cruel treatments and institutions, there was little to no understanding or support available.

"people are more comfortable admitting an alcohol addiction (...) than revealing they're suffering from a mental illness" 

Thankfully attitudes have moved in a more positive direction, but recent figures reveal people are more comfortable admitting an alcohol addiction or bankruptcy than revealing they’ re suffering from a mental illness. So what makes people feel so embarrassed about something they have no control over, and is so common in past and present society?

Social Perception

A big part of the taboo nature of mental illness is social perception. Society has long stereotyped sufferers of mental illness in a negative way; perceiving them as everything from weak to violent. They are thought to be unable to be successful, to hold down a steady job or relationship, are to blame for their illness, and will never recover to fit with the norm. In reality these things are broad generalizations, but the damage of such discrimination can cause those suffering to not want to admit it so as to avoid being labeled. Unfortunately this can further compound the problem, as this means sufferers are not receiving any treatment and have no outlet.

The Dangers of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

One of the main issues people with mental illness face is the negative cycle caused by stigma. The nature of stereotyping is that people perceive themselves in the same light as society does. In other words because you’re told you act a certain way then you become to accept it and behave in that way. For example you’re told as a person with a mental illness that it’s unlikely you’re able to have a healthy relationship, so you stop seeking one. You’re labeled and put into the box of ‘depression’ or ‘anxiety’ and it can become difficult for others (and yourself) to break out of that.

How to Tackle the Taboo

In the last decade there have been many steps taken to try and curb the taboo and stigma associated with mental health, but more needs to be done. Many campaigns (like The Lions Barber Collective) are focused on getting people to talk about mental health and normalize conversations of this nature. Building up awareness and understanding are two key factors in this struggle towards a more accepting society; the eventual aim is for people not to be ashamed, and to feel comfortable seeking help. The more we read, share and discuss, the more we can stop stigma in its tracks.

By Kimberley Parker 

“We whisper about mental health issues and avoid asking too many questions. The brain is a body part, too. We just know less about it. And there should be no shame in discussing or seeking help for treatable illnesses that affect too many people that we love.” – Barack Obama 

How Social Media Can Affect Your Mental Health

Thousands of friends, hundreds of likes and comments… we’re living in an age of constant connection, endless friends and ceaseless praise. Yet these technological advancements can sometimes cause us to feel more isolated than ever. Recent studies have shown that social media can have a negative effect on our mental health, without us even realizing. It can be the cause of depression, anxiety and has even been linked to suicide. But how?

1) Cyberbullying

Bullying happens everywhere and unfortunately the internet is no exception. There is even a specific term coined for a certain type of cyberbullying (trolling) which is the act of deliberating upsetting someone, usually a stranger. The internet gives people anonymity and confidence, meaning they say things they probably don’t have the confidence to say in the real world – whether you know them or not. Have a private profile and block any users who bring negativity into your life. 

    

2) Constant Comparisons    

Every day you’re bombarded with images and statuses which seem to suggest all of your connections on social media are living incredible lives. Beautiful meals, champagne cocktails, perfect relationships and successful jobs…you can’t help but compare when you’re sat in bed watching crap television on a Saturday night. If you’re having a down day then it can be made a lot harder looking at the perceived success of others. A recent study showed that 51% of people admitted social media affected their confidence due to unnecessary comparison, so you’re not alone in feeling this way.

"If you’re having a down day then it can be made a lot harder looking at the perceived success of others"

A good way to counteract this is to realize that everyone’s profiles are fabricated to a point. No one has a perfect life – everything on social media has been carefully selected to show the positive and not the negative. In other words you’re comparing yourself to an idealized life, not a real one.

3) Lack of ‘Real’ Socializing

Social Media is great at providing ways of keeping in contact, but sometimes it can completely swallow the social part of our life.  It seems like you have a ton of friends who you’re close to, but you rarely see them in real life. This can lead to individuals isolating themselves as they feel they don’t need to have a social group in ‘real life’ as they get all they need from their connections on social media.

"There's something to be said for socializing in the real world too..."

Of course there are benefits to having friends online, but there’s something to be said for socializing in the real world too. Having someone physically there to talk to and do things with can ease feelings of loneliness and isolation – something everyone benefits from.  So don’t lock yourself away and use your chat apps to arrange a proper get together.

4) Addiction

 It may sound far-fetched but addiction to social media is a real thing. It helps relieve boredom, but it can start to take up more and more of your time. Think of all the times you’ve sat in a restaurant with friends, writing on your Facebook about how you’re sat in a restaurant with friends – very meta I know. The point is you’re not living in the present because you’re too busy letting everyone else know what a great time you’re having. Try to refrain from having your phone stuck to your hand at all times and appreciate the moment. 

Using Social Media in a Positive Way

Social media has so many awesome applications; it all depends on how you use it. Try to keep the following in mind:

•  Don’t allow yourself to get upset by comments, especially from strangers

•  Try not to compare yourself to others

• Use your apps as a tool to keep in contact with friends and family – but not the only way
• If you need support for specific issues or are new to an area, finding social groups online can be a great help.  

                                                     

Social media can also be used as a way to promote awareness and understanding of issues, helping people relate to one another. At The Lions Barber Collective we aim to encourage open conversations about mental health, promoting a dialogue and helping to move away from negative stigma. Check out our website for more details on projects we’re involved in.

By Kimberley Parker 

How to Start a Conversation about Mental Health

Opening up about mental health issues is a courageous but difficult thing to do. You might feel guilty, or not know how to initiate the conversation. You could be worried about the reaction. These are all natural emotions to go through, as it's a big step to take.

"You might feel guilty, or not know 

how to initiate the conversation"

Have a look at some of our advice when it comes to starting this conversation:

1) Preparation 

This conversation is probably going to get emotional; not just for you but for the recipient as well. Be prepared for the fact that both parties will go through a range of feelings. The relief of admitting to someone you have a mental health problem is extremely cathartic. You might laugh, you might cry – this is completely normal. Just be mindful you're bound to go through a roller coaster of emotions. 

2) Write 

Before having this conversation, writing down your feelings can help clarify in your own mind what you want to say. You can use this as a prompt whilst you are talking, or as a way to practice expressing your emotions – even if it's just for yourself.

"use this as a prompt (...) or as a way to practice expressing your emotions" 

Telling someone about what you're going through can be stressful. If you think having something written down will help you, then do it.

3) Choose the Right Time

There may never seem like a ‘right time’ to have this conversation, but there are better times than others. Right before your partner or parents leave for work, for example, is not ideal. You want to be able to take the time to explain your problems fully and for them to be open and undistracted.

4) The Next Step

Having this initial conversation is daunting, but these first steps can help change your life. If you've spoken with friends or family, you might now want to find a professional. If you've spoken to your GP, ask to be referred to a specialist. At The Lions Barber Collective, we've made it our mission to help listen and direct those in need of assistance – see our website and Facebook for more details. 

Remember this is a process and it's going to take time. By having that first conversation, you're putting yourself on the right path.

By Kimberley Parker 

Five People You Can Talk to About Depression

Suffering from depression can be an incredibly isolating and lonely experience.  Even in a society where mental health is somewhat understood and less stigmatized than in the past, it can still be difficult to open up for fear of judgment.Then there’s the question of who to talk to. Discussing your depression with anyone is hard, but starting with one person can make all the difference:

1) Your Family

It may seem tough to talk to your family about your depression, but remember these people love and support you unconditionally. In fact they may already sense you’re going through something, so it can be a relief for them to finally be able to help you. 

"It can be a relief for them to finally help you"

Talk to parents, siblings, cousins; grandparents even – whomever you feel comfortable with. Confiding in your family can actually have a hugely positive effect on your relationship, as it allows them to understand you and your life better. 

2) Friends 

They always say your friends are the family you choose, so it makes sense you feel comfortable talking to them about your depression. Having a familiar face who knows you well creates a safe space for this type of conversation. Like your family, they may already have an idea that you’re having a difficult time. Even just having them listen can be a great relief.  

3) Online Communities

There are many organizations that are dedicated to helping suffers of depression and mental health in general. There are phone lines, live chats, chat rooms and forums – these can be a great resource if you don’t feel ready to talk to someone face-to-face. A few examples include Samaritans , Mind, Sane  and Rethink Mental Illness . Mind even operates drop in centers around the country – check out their website for more details.

4) Your GP/ NHS

If you have a good relationship with your GP they’re a great person to discuss any mental health problems with – depression included.  They also have the ability to refer you to other specialists.

"The NHS offers a ton of different services related to mental health"

If you don’t feel comfortable for whatever reason, then you can always talk to another GP in the practice. The NHS also offers a ton of different services related to mental health on their website, which links you to the facilities available in your area.

5) Your Barber (yes, that’s right!)

At The Lions Barber Collective, we believe being a person’s barber puts us in a unique position to help. Sometimes you just don’t feel comfortable telling people close to you about your depression, which is completely understandable. We wanted there to be another option.

"What we can do is listen, discuss and advise in a comfortable space"

 By implementing a training program (#BarberTalk) we want to create the opportunity to discuss mental health problems with your barber.  We’re not claiming to be psychologists, but what we can do is listen, discuss and advise in a comfortable space. No judgment, no pressure. See our website for more details.

If you’re worried about how to broach the subject of depression, then check out next week’s blog which gives some advice on the matter. 

By Kimberley Parker