How to Speak and Support Someone Suffering from Depression

Having a conversation with someone close to you about depression isn't easy. It's not a fun or simple topic to approach, its difficult to know what to say to comfort them, and its hard to figure out what to do afterwards. But what's the alternative... to ignore it and hope it gets better?

Why  Ignorance Isn't Bliss 
Depression and suicide in young males is a modern, sometimes labelled as silent, epidemic. By continuing to avoid the subject on both a personal and public level, we only allow the issue to control more peoples' lives and leave them without help. Depression is, at it's core, lonely and isolating. Having just one person to speak to can make a huge difference to someone's journey. But what can you, as a friend or family member or even acquaintance, say to someone who is suffering and how can you support them?

1. Ask
One of the most important things you can do is ask. It let's the person know you care and drives the conversation in the right direction, showing them it's a safe place to open up. If someone you know seems to have distanced themselves, doesn't seem as social, has changed eating habits, is irritable, or is expressing they can't sleep well, it might well be a sign they're suffering from depression.

"You don't seem yourself recently, is everything OK?"

An easy way to kick off the conversation is with something simple like "You don't seem yourself recently, is everything OK?" If it is, no harm no fowl. If it isn't, they might be incredibly relieved you've brought up the subject and are giving them the opportunity to talk.

2. Listen and Let Them Know You Care
It's important to listen to their feelings and not accidentally be dismissive. You might struggle to understand what the're going through or be at a loss for what to say. Don't worry, just listen. It can help more than you may realize.

"Let them know you're not in any rush and they can take their time"

If you're stuck on what to say, try your best to respond sincerely. There's no point telling them you understand if you don't, and it can be harmful to dismiss their emotions by saying things like "Can't you just try being happy?" Instead you should encourage them to open up more by asking questions (for example "How has this been affecting you", "Do you remember when you first started feeling this way", "How often do you feel like this?") Let them know you're not in any rush and they can take their time. You can also check out Beyond Blue, who have some great suggestions on how to approach this conversation.

3. Support
No matter how much you care for someone, you can't 'fix' or 'cure' their depression. It's an illness and can often be a long journey ahead for both you and them. What you can do is point them in the direction of someone who can help. Try encouraging them to speak with their GP, or to make the most of the services available to them. It's a good idea to attend the appointment with them (if they want you to) to show your support.

You can also offer to help them out with things they might be struggling with (such as cleaning, childcare, shopping etc.) and just generally arrange to spend time together doing things they enjoy. This might just be something as simple as going for a walk, getting food, or watching a movie together. Keep the line of communication open. Depression doesn't have a quick solution, but your friendship can make a difference.

The Lions Barber Collectivee has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects and to get involved visit our website  and like us on Facebook.

Kimberley Parker

Common Signs of Depression

Recent studies suggest a lot more people than we imagine are suffering from a mental health affliction. These figures can be a shock but they indicate the brevity and seriousness of this issue (1 in 4 of us will suffer from a mental health problem in our lives), no more so than with depression.

Depression can be a difficult illness to recognize even in the ones close to us, and that's a hard pill to swallow. As there is such a stigma associated with it (especially so with males) the person suffering may well be trying to hide their struggle. If someone you know seems to be acting out of character or exhibits any of the behavior below,  it is so important to start a dialogue - you could make a huge difference to their life if you do so. 

"Depression can be a difficult illness to recognize even in the ones close to us, and that's a hard pill to swallow"

Everyone's experiences and symptoms are different, but there are some common signs to keep and eye out for: 

1. Lack of Interest in Social Interaction 

If a friend or family member seems to be less interested in spending time socially, it may be an indication they are suffering from depression. This change in character can be easily overlooked, but individuals will often withdraw from their social circles - as addressed in this campaign by Time to Change. 

2. Eating Habits 

This can go either way, with some people having a lack of appetite and others eating a great deal more than they used to. This might mean their weight fluctuates.

3.  Sleeping Problems 

Sleep is integral to a healthy mind and body, and an increase or decrease can signify larger problems. Sleep disorders are often linked to depression, with sufferers likely to experience insomnia or are unable to sleep through the night. This in turn means people have an increase in fatigue.

4. Negative Thoughts 

It is common for people with depression to express negative thoughts and seem pessimistic. Everyone has days when they feel hopeless, but if this behavior is consistent over a long period of time it could indicate an underlying mental issue. 

"Sleep is integral to a healthy mind and body, and an increase or decrease can signify larger problems"

5. Anhedonia

This is a term that describes the loss of pleasure. Activities they previously enjoyed don't give them the same amount of joy, and they may seem distant or uninterested. This goes for professional as well as social (and even sexual) situations.    

6. Anger and Mood Swings 

It can be hard for people with depression to control their emotions, so they may be susceptible to mood swings or be irritable. You should not take this personally as this is a sign of their illness.

"....may be susceptible to mood swings or be irritable" 

7. Interactions with Drugs and Alcohol 

Some sufferers use drugs or alcohol as a way to cope with their depression. They may become reliant on substances, or increase their intake (such as smoking more). 

8. Self-Harm and Preoccupation with Death 

Self-harm is another coping mechanism people may use as a way to deal with their emotions. Additionally, they may bring up the topic of death or not "being around" in conversation.

As mentioned above not everyone experiences depression in the same way, but if you have any indication someone close to you is suffering, it's crucial to start a conversation and assist them in getting the help they need. Check out our post on 5 People You Can Talk to About Depression for some suggestions on how to move forward.    

The Lions Barber Collectivee has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects and to get involved visit our website  and like us on Facebook.

Kimberley Parker 

  

Music and Mental Health

How your Playlist can Help your Mind

Music is deeply ingrained  into humanity and has been for as long as anyone can remember. We use it to tell stories, express emotions, celebrate occasions, and create bonds. You can find it in every culture across the globe and it has the ability to span generations. Countless psychologists have tried to understand the relationship between the human psyche and music: why we create it, why it makes us feel so intensely, the difference in how we perceive it, and much more.

One area in this field with a long history is music therapy. This is when music is used to treat a variety of both physical and psychological disorders including strokes, heart disease, anxiety, insomnia, and substance dependency. This type of therapy is often geared towards the individual, and involves a great deal of improvisation and creation (including songwriting).

"We use it to tell stories, express emotions, celebrate occasions, and create bonds"

But what if you don't have the opportunity to visit a music therapist? Can music still help you with your issues? The answer is yes, and here's how...

1) It Makes you Feel Good On a Chemical Level
Many psychologists believe our mood is dictated by the chemicals in our brain. This means we might feel down and not be sure why or what we can do to make ourselves feel better. Studies have found music has the ability to release dopamine, the chemical that puts us in a good mood. Researchers discovered that dopamine levels rose 9% on average, proving that music has can have a direct impact on our mood.

2) It's Cathartic 
Isn't it strange that when we're sad we want to listen to sad music? Well actually not as strange as you might think. The famous Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote a great deal about the notion of catharsis, which in simple terms means to purge yourself of emotions through art, resulting in a feeling of  peace and restoration. In Aristotle's day this would've meant watching a tragedy at the theatre; for our generation it means blaring the latest Coldplay or Adele album. 

Music can help us process and understand our emotions, giving us the release we need and helping to avoid bottling up our feelings. So next time you have a bad day, get that sad song playlist on and grab the tissues.

"(Catharsis) in simple terms means to purge yourself of emotions through art, resulting in a feeling of  peace"

3) It Aids Relaxation
Another way in which music can help us is to aid in relaxation, and we're not just talking about new age pan pipe albums. Many people find playing and listening to music a relaxing experience - think about getting a professional massage or meditation, both usually have musical elements to assist in creating a calm atmosphere. Listening to a relaxing album before bed can ease sleep and quiet our thoughts, so think about building a pre-slumber playlist if your brain has a habit of overthinking before bed.

The best slumber involves a singing sheep...apparently 

4) It Can Make you Feel Less Isolated 
The process of listening to music makes us feel less isolated because we can empathise with the lyricist or the emotion behind the song. Songs are like modern poetry, they tend to be more outwardly emotive and people feel more comfortable expressing themselves through this medium. Not only that, music can open social circles (going to gigs, speaking to others on social media who have similar interests) and show us hundreds if not thousands of others feel just like we do. 

4) Helps to Stimulate Creativity 
Writing is generally encouraged as an activity to help with many types of mental illness, and songwriting is just as effective. Many people are more at ease expressing their thoughts on paper than in person, and writing songs is a great outlet. Having this creative channel can be a huge blessing, even if you're never intending on performing it for anyone other than your cat.

Warning - may cause negative reaction from feline

5) It Motivates 
Finally music can be a great motivator - think about how many people have dedicated workout playlists. Kicking of your morning with a positive song can change your energy immediately, so compile a positive playlist to invigorate and motivate your day right from the start.

Kimberley Parker

The Lions Barber Collective has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness and to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects and to get involved visit our website and like us on Facebook

Why Coronations Street's Most Recent Suicide Storyline is Important

Soaps are a British national treasure, there's no denying it. Whether your fond of this type melodrama or not, this genre of television is known for having the capability to tackle difficult subjects and force them into the public eye. This is is exactly what popular, long-running soap Coronation Street has recently managed to do with both deft and understanding, dedicating a storyline to one of the most prominent issues facing young British males today; suicide.

"it's undeniable the impact and ability (soaps) have to encourage conversation"

Whether you're an EastEnders superfan who religiously spends every Sunday watching the omnibus or you've only caught a few episodes of Emmerdale before dinner, soaps are as much a part of our culture as fish and chips or football. They occupy an interesting medium in that they dramatise events that could (in theory) happen to the average person. These are of course extreme versions of reality and characters, but it's undeniable the impact and ability they have to encourage conversation. So why is it important that writers chose to have Aiden, a relatively successful, young, handsome and popular character suffer from depression and eventually end his own life?

Aiden Connor played by Shane Ward 

A Realistic and Thoughtful Narrative 
Soaps are not  universally know for their tact. In fact it's their over-dramatization of situations that usually define their success (think the infamous 'duff-duffs' of EastEnders). Aiden's narrative was handled in a very different manner. The show has spent the last few months airing several scenes which in of their own seemed inconsequential; a little odd perhaps but nothing compared to the sensationalized storylines they were sandwiched between. As an audience we questioned why he was increasingly distant in social situations, why his moving boxes remained untouched, and why he was indifferent to re-gaining ownership of his much-loved factory. These moments were left to hang, unanswered.

"It's not an immediately obvious illness, (either to ourselves or those around us), it's not simple to diagnose, and it's not something you can easily talk to your loved ones about"

This thoughtful presentation echoes the reality of living with depression. Its not an immediately obvious illness (either to ourselves or those around us), it's not simple to diagnose, and it's not something you can easily talk to your loved ones about. But there are warning signs. By having Aiden's journey only hinted at until the final episode, it gave the audience pause to think that just because someone seems okay, the reality might be quite different. 

Reaction of Community
Another facet the writers chose to focus on was the reactions of the community, friends, and loved ones. These ranged from despair and disbelief to confusion and anger. Aiden's father and sister simply cannot believe he has committed suicide, desperately trying to find a reason and claiming it must have been an accident...one character even goes so far as to call his actions selfish.The array of characters and their responses helped not only to portray the difficulties those left behind face, but also the stigma and misunderstanding still associated with mental health problems.

Aiden's father Johnny, played by Richard Hawley 

Starting a Conversation and Listening to Each Other
In a recent BBC interview with Coronation Street Writer Jonathan Harvey, he states he saw the storyline as way to send a message about seeking help. It might well be that someone you know has been acting odd and doesn't quite seem themselves - seeing Aiden's story, you could be encouraged to start a conversation. Not only that, stigma is a big part of why people choose not to seek help when it comes to metal illness. A popular TV show watched by millions of viewers all across the country bringing light to this issue promotes understanding and helps to open a much-needed dialogue,both in the media and in our own homes.

One of the most poignant moments in the episode was Helen Worth's monologue in which she observes that you never really know what's going on in someone's life, and if Aiden had wanted to talk she hoped she would've listened. It's something we all hope for, but sometimes life can get in the way. Hopefully Aiden's story can help us all to be a little more conscious of those around us, and be open to them if they need someone to listen.

Kimberley Parker

The Lions Barber Collective has made a commitment to removing the stigma associated with mental illness and to encourage men to #manupandtalk. For more information about our projects and to get involved visit our website and like us on Facebook